New here! This is my story....

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- Jumeirah
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New here! This is my story....
OP - October 09, 2014, 08:23 PM

Dear all,
I am happy to have found this Forum. To make a long story short, I am 31 year old German with Moroccan roots. All my life I have been raised as a Muslim in Germany. My parents were not the greatest parents and we went through a lot of abuse in our family. From an early age I heard mostly two things, "it is haram" and "you will go to hell if you do this or that"! A few years back I found a job in Dubai and managed to convince my parents that I had to go. As I was working as a flight attendant I started to realize many things. I met people from all walks of life and religions. People that were not Muslims were by far the kindest people to me. In the meantime I dated a couple Muslim men in the hope that there will be someone out there who thought of Islam in more liberal terms. I came to realize that many Muslim men are very judgmental towards Muslim girls. It broke my heart to find out that the boyfriend I had wanted nothing to do with me after a short time because he wanted a "virgin." I met many girls and women who have gone through something similar, particular the girls from Muslim families that decided to life their lives more western oriented. Two years later I did a flight and met this amazing Pilot who was from Arizona. It was love at first sight. He was a catholic that didn't practice his religion and told me from the very beginning that converting was out of the question. So, I made the decision to marry him after he asked me on a flight we did together. My parents were not happy at first. So I did the mistake of telling them that he had converted. A lie, I still have to live with. Every time I visit my parents they ask if my husband started praying already. They are calling him Jamal even though we didn't tell them to do it. They said that they don't want to call him by his birth name. My husband plays along with the visits. He is very supportive of my problem. But we do it since we don't live in the same country like my family. I wish they would understand that I am truly happy with the way my life turned out to be. My sisters and brothers went through divorces and abuse in their marriages all based on some fundamental views they or their spouses had. I don't want to pretend anymore and my husband I decided that we think it is time to let the cat out of the bag and face the consequences. Either way I am happy to have found people that think like me or at least understand me. Just the thought of leaving religion would be a death sentence to my parents. I know they would never ever truly get over it........at least this is what they pretend to be like. xoxo
- billy
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Reply #1 - October 09, 2014, 08:28 PM

Hi Jumeirah, welcome to the forum. Everyone here will be able to empathise with your story. Thanks for joining us

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
God is Love.
Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
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Reply #2 - October 09, 2014, 08:38 PM

Hugs to you!

You in a similar situation to me but the opposite way around :p

Welcome to the family !
- cosmicdancer
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Reply #3 - October 09, 2014, 08:42 PM

Welcome, Jumeirah - great to have you on board. Hopefully you will be able to tell your parents, but buckle up, as you may hit some turbulence. Hopefully though it will all be plane sailing after that.
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Reply #4 - October 09, 2014, 08:49 PM

Welcome Jumeirah,

You have definitely come to the right place! I am a never-moose but your story certainly resonates with other people's here.

Have a welcoming parrot

Do you and you husband live in the US then since you said you're not in the same country as your parents?

Also are your siblings religious? How good are your relations to them?

Glad to have you here

Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
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Reply #5 - October 09, 2014, 10:54 PM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #6 - October 10, 2014, 12:22 AM

Welcome to the forum Jumeirah, have a rabbit!

Glad to have you here, and I hope your parents will take it better than expected, if you do decide to tell them.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #7 - October 10, 2014, 01:23 AM

Now you have a rack for all your parrots.
- Jumeirah
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Reply #8 - October 10, 2014, 01:26 AM

Dear all,
thanks for all your replies.
As to some questions, I do have a good relationship with some of my siblings. A couple of my brothers are fanatic about their views and constantly think they need to correct you. A discussion about religion is almost tabu. Apparently questioning it is in itself a huge sin! My mother does not write any language. What they know about religion is what they are taught in mosques and villages from people that seem to know only what WOMEN are supposed to do and not to do!!. It's always about the women! Over the years they became more and more fundamental about their views. Even in Morocco where things were liberal, many people turned to pure Islam. It breaks my heart going to Europe and seeing little girls wearing headscarfs and being forced to go like that to school. My niece is going to the mosque every weekend. I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She tried many times to sabotage the relationship between me and my parents since she tried to convince them not to talk to me because I married an American! She was abused by her husband for many years and now she speaks of him as if he is an Angel! He also has radical views and we don't get along at all. I have 6 siblings. My husband and I currently live in the US. Thank you all for the nice welcome!
- xtremestr
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Reply #9 - October 10, 2014, 03:23 AM

Welcome, I'm glad you held onto your own conviction of life and managed to find these forums.

أشهد أن لا إله
- paul_tarsus
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Reply #10 - October 10, 2014, 03:35 AM

Welcome. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
- Nikolaj
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Reply #11 - October 10, 2014, 07:39 AM

You will find that several Ex-Mooses active on this site are from the US and Canada.

Also you might find these resources valuable - if not for you then perhaps for someone you know:

Ex-Muslims of North America: Web Facebook Twitter Local Chapters

Council of Ex-Muslims of Morocco CEMM مجلس المسلمين السابقين بالمغرب Facebook

Zentralrat der Ex-Muslime Deutschland: Web Facebook

Also there is an Ex-Muslim subreddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim

Ex-Muslims! Ex-Muslims everywhere!

Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
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Reply #12 - October 10, 2014, 07:53 AM

Welcome Jumeirah, your family sound very similar to mine. I have 6 siblings of whom only a couple are moderate. Many of my neices and nephews attend mosque every day after school. It is sad to see this kind of brainwashing from such an early age.

It is good that you have broken free and your children will not have this pressure. Well done for everything you have accomplished. Dont worry about your sisters. They envy the fact that your husband treats you well.
- Lilyesque
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Reply #13 - October 10, 2014, 08:23 AM

Quote from: Jumeirah on October 10, 2014, 01:26 AM
Dear all,
thanks for all your replies.
As to some questions, I do have a good relationship with some of my siblings. A couple of my brothers are fanatic about their views and constantly think they need to correct you. A discussion about religion is almost tabu. Apparently questioning it is in itself a huge sin! My mother does not write any language. What they know about religion is what they are taught in mosques and villages from people that seem to know only what WOMEN are supposed to do and not to do!!. It's always about the women! Over the years they became more and more fundamental about their views. Even in Morocco where things were liberal, many people turned to pure Islam. It breaks my heart going to Europe and seeing little girls wearing headscarfs and being forced to go like that to school. My niece is going to the mosque every weekend. I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She tried many times to sabotage the relationship between me and my parents since she tried to convince them not to talk to me because I married an American! She was abused by her husband for many years and now she speaks of him as if he is an Angel! He also has radical views and we don't get along at all. I have 6 siblings. My husband and I currently live in the US. Thank you all for the nice welcome!

Talk about stockholm syndrome!
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Reply #14 - October 10, 2014, 08:29 AM

Have you heard of AHA foundation?

http://theahafoundation.org

(not necessarily for yourself!)

(Started by an ex muslim who also married a Westerner!)

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Reply #15 - October 10, 2014, 09:00 AM

Quote from: moi on October 10, 2014, 08:29 AM

Have you heard of AHA foundation?

http://theahafoundation.org

(not necessarily for yourself!)

(Started by an ex muslim who also married a Westerner!)

Ahh a bit like a US Karma Nirvana.

http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/
- cosmicdancer
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Reply #16 - October 10, 2014, 11:29 PM

Quote from: Jumeirah on October 10, 2014, 01:26 AM
What they know about religion is what they are taught in mosques and villages from people that seem to know only what WOMEN are supposed to do and not to do!!. It's always about the women!

But don't you know Islam was the first to liberate women

btw I was married to a Moroccan for 10 years and we still get on fine. I love Morocco, but I know what you mean very well - for some reason many Moroccans and Algerians seem very drawn to the literalist Salafi brand of Islam.

I'm half Egyptian half English btw
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Reply #17 - October 11, 2014, 02:45 AM

Welcome!

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #18 - October 12, 2014, 08:56 AM

Welcome to the forum Jumeirah

Quote from: Jumeirah on October 09, 2014, 08:23 PM
It broke my heart to find out that the boyfriend I had wanted nothing to do with me after a short time because he wanted a "virgin."

Ah yes, a classic, that one. He has sex with you, but he won't marry you because you're not a virgin... because he had sex with you. I mean, if you did it with him, you must have done it with a hundred other men, because you're a slut.

I'm glad you managed to marry a man you love. I envy you because I'm in a long-term relationship with a "white" guy and even if I lied and said he converted to Islam my parents will never accept the relationship. I think that pretending that he is a convert for the few days you visit your parents in Germany isn't so bad, all things considered. But of course I understand that you wouldn't want to live a lie all your life. Good luck with coming out to your parents and I hope their love for you will trump their prejudice.

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
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Reply #19 - October 12, 2014, 07:49 PM

Quote from: Naerys on October 12, 2014, 08:56 AM

Ah yes, a classic, that one. He has sex with you, but he won't marry you because you're not a virgin... because he had sex with you. I mean, if you did it with him, you must have done it with a hundred other men, because you're a slut.

I really hate that when guys do that. I remember a friend of mine back at uni confided in me that her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with her anymore because she had slept with him. She told me that he had said to her that he was "testing" her to see if she was a good girl. What a bastard!

I was religious back then, but always hated that attitude. I think being half English myself I have never had that obsession many Muslims (especially Arab men) have about virginity. But I came across that attitude a lot from my Egyptian family. (They want to see sheets etc... insane!)
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Reply #20 - October 13, 2014, 08:29 AM

That is really disgusting. Do these men have any concept of love and affection? How insecure can one be in his own sexual abilities that he can't stand the idea of being compared to someone else?

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
- cosmicdancer
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Reply #21 - October 13, 2014, 11:09 AM

Well I'm sure you know what the male Arab mentality is like. And tbh the quran doesn't help with its talk of women of paradise not touched by man nor jinn. (do jinn have sex with humans? Lol)
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Reply #22 - October 13, 2014, 11:21 AM

Course they do. You never heard of Johnny Storm?

Obviously the result of human/jinn sex.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #23 - October 13, 2014, 11:27 AM

Quote from: Naerys on October 13, 2014, 08:29 AM
How insecure can one be in his own sexual abilities that he can't stand the idea of being compared to someone else?

I'm rather the opposite.

I have no desire to sleep with a virgin... lest her expectations be too high, perhaps.
- Jumeirah
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Reply #24 - October 14, 2014, 04:02 PM

I enjoy reading your comments. Unfortunately, I made the experience that Arab/Muslim men are insecure. This is based on my experience alone. My father is like that. I have one elder brother who seems to be more moderate and does his own thing. But my dad is very insecure. He is constantly watching what my mum does and is always jealous of her! When I worked as a supervisor, I had major issues with North African men to accept my authority. It was a battle every time. It is so sad. My husband who is your typical American (If I may say so), accepted me for who I am and for who I was! He treats me very well. Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky I am to have broken away from this sick mentality.
- cosmicdancer
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Reply #25 - October 14, 2014, 04:11 PM

Treasure him, - and I hope he treasures you too
- muse
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Reply #26 - October 14, 2014, 07:01 PM

Hi! Welcome! I am glad to hear that you have found someone special to share your life with.
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