Hi, my name is yasmin, i was a convert to islam. i decided yesterday that i would no longer be a muslim, and i feel over the fucking moon. as of yet i have not told anyone, certainly not my husband, but i know this for the best.
my husband is also convert and we were married to each other before converting, he converted one year before me. Unlike my husband though i never felt totally at ease with islam. in fact from the very minute of my conversion i felt an overwhelming sense of dread. i know that sounds dramatic but i was suffering from severe untreated depression at the time. since my conversion i have had what my husbnd and i referred to as my 'islamic wabble' where i would start having all these doubts and questions regarding islam like, why was the quran compiled after the death of muhammad, why can we not listen to music, what is the deal with the raping of concubines etc... the list could go on and on. Anyhoo, during my last islamic wabble which was apporx 6 months ago i was ready to leave and in fact i told my husband that i could no longer be a muslim. after much heart ache and talking my husband agreed that he would accept this and that he wanted us to still be married. However during this period i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder and i was confused about whether what i was feeling regarding islam was real, so i decided to carry on for another 6 months trying to practise. I failed miserabley at this and so when the 6 months was up and i felt no different i knew it was time to renounce islam. i think the only reason it has taken so long, is because i kept telling myself that i felt this way because i was depressed or that i would always fell like this no matter what religion i was following, and this might be true indeed, what i have come to realise though is that it does not make it any less valid. i always have and always will feel profoundly uncomfortable with islam.
At the moment i am content to sit with my decision and not tell my husband, not becasue i want to decieve him or that i am scared. i am just happy to experience it on my own for a while, and let the decision sink in and become real for me rather than anyone else. I trust myself to know when the time will be right( i hope) to tell my husband.
Perhaps you would feel like this about any religion because you know none of them really make any sense at all.
Welcome!
Topic: Decided today to leave Islam