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Theme Changer

 Topic: Heartfelt thanks to you all

 (Read 2693 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     OP - July 23, 2014, 01:28 PM

    I’ve been away from this forum for quite some time, but I thought it important to just come back to post this.

    About 3 years ago I was at a very low point, the root cause being my disbelief and the contention this would cause my family in ‘coming out’. My all-consuming worry was that I would lose my wife and children just because I wanted to exercise my right to believe what I wish and not have to lie about it.

    You wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would!) the difficulty I had in trying to find anyone to talk to rationally about this and of course non-Muslims just didn’t get it. So it was quite by accident that I Googled-across the CEMB site and forum and can quite honestly say it changed my life.

    I should quantify that by adding that the forum didn’t really do anything. It didn’t really give me any profound answers. It didn’t wave a magic wand and make everything better.

    What it did do was just be there, with obvious support from apostates from around the world. By being there I knew I wasn’t alone – I’d suspected it, but now I knew! And the people on the boards did ‘get it’ and knew what I was talking about. They related to me and I to them and that felt good. It reinvigorated my confidence and gave me the strength to do what needed to be done.

    I came out about my apostacy around 6 months ago and as you can imagine my wife was distraught, especially when she understood that there was no way for me to be brought back ‘to the light’. There were threats of divorce but ultimately I gambled on her being the rational woman I married and was not disappointed. She sees we have a happy and successful family and it isn’t Islam that has brought this about – it is because we love each other and want to see through this mutual investment we made together i.e. our marriage.

    I have turned a corner I never would have taken before knowing I wasn’t alone and have come out smiling at the other end. Life is good just for the very fact that I can be honest with the people around me and admit to not going to jumma, taraweeh, not fasting and everything else and not worrying about my wife finding out. I am openly apostate to anyone who asks, but I’m not actively shouting it from the roof tops. It’s a personal choice and I understand better than anyone that it isn’t to be taken lightly.

    So thank you CEMB and its members. You were there (virtually) when I needed you and I hope that your presence continues to inspire more people to unburden themselves as I have done.

    Gandalf

    Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #1 - July 23, 2014, 01:31 PM

    Hello Gandalf. That is amazing news about you and your wife, she sounds amazing!

    Thank you Mrs. Gandalf!

    Nice to hear from you!

     parrot
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #2 - July 23, 2014, 01:54 PM

     far away hug

    I haven't seen my ex for i think 12 years, lives abroad in various places..  yesterday he made contact and has expressed an interest in seeing his daughters after all this time, he abandoned me to raise them alone with no support or monetary support just dissapeared..  I'm not ready for the battles that lie ahead when he sees that his daughters now wear skimpy clothes, sighs the stress that is coming will be immense, he will have to choose between accepting them for what they are or disowning them for life, it's his choice..  if their modesty and his reputation mean more to him than love for his own children then so be it...  i know he will disown us all in the end but not until he has caused lots of grief between us  :(   
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #3 - July 23, 2014, 01:59 PM

    Good luck Suki. Maybe he has changed? Who knows.  far away hug

  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #4 - July 23, 2014, 02:01 PM

    You were here before my time, OP, but I'm so glad to hear how things worked out for you! It's a really touching story.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #5 - July 23, 2014, 02:03 PM

    ^^ Naw he already said yesterday over the phone he's coming back to islamify us again and put hijab back on my girls and he wants his brothers who live here to keep an eye on us from now on.. I'm not his wife anymore so dream on   :/   ahhh well..   i won't hog OP's just  a quick rant.

    Thnx Lileyesque far away hug
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #6 - July 23, 2014, 02:04 PM

    Gandalf, this is very nice to read, because this forum exists for one reason alone - to be a safe space for people like you who need a place of support and community and help and a place where they can be free and speak their mind. Thanks for enriching this forum  Afro

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #7 - July 23, 2014, 02:05 PM

    ^^ Naw he already said yesterday over the phone he's coming back to islamify us again and put hijab back on my girls and he wants his brothers who live here to keep an eye on us from now on.. I'm not his wife anymore so dream on   :/   ahhh well..   i won't hog OP's just  a quick rant.


     far away hug
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #8 - July 23, 2014, 02:11 PM

    Thanks, Billy. Smiley

    Suki - Just be yourself. As long as you feel no obligation to the man in the form of love or any other bond then you'll just find his views pointless and, frankly, sad. Smiley

    Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #9 - July 23, 2014, 02:11 PM

    I'm glad things turned out for the better for you, Gandalf.

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #10 - July 23, 2014, 02:20 PM

    Thanks, Billy. Smiley

    Suki - Just be yourself. As long as you feel no obligation to the man in the form of love or any other bond then you'll just find his views pointless and, frankly, sad. Smiley


    Thanks Gandalf, it's just scarey the thought of what is to come, you never know how they are going to react to your apostacy..  anyways i will keep y'all posted when the time comes : )

    ty xxx
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #11 - July 23, 2014, 02:30 PM

    Believe me you have no idea how happy this makes me Gandalf because this is exactly why we started this forum. I remember feeling so alone and when I came across berberella - another ex Muslim it made so much difference and we started this forum precisely to provide a place for exmuslims to know they are not alone x
    hugs
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #12 - July 23, 2014, 02:35 PM

    Thanks, Abu. Consider your combined vision a success. Smiley

    Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #13 - July 23, 2014, 03:22 PM

    Believe me you have no idea how happy this makes me Gandalf because this is exactly why we started this forum. I remember feeling so alone and when I came across berberella - another ex Muslim it made so much difference and we started this forum precisely to provide a place for exmuslims to know they are not alone x
    hugs




     far away hug

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #14 - July 23, 2014, 03:31 PM


    I came out about my apostacy around 6 months ago and as you can imagine my wife was distraught, especially when she understood that there was no way for me to be brought back ‘to the light’. There were threats of divorce but ultimately I gambled on her being the rational woman I married and was not disappointed. She sees we have a happy and successful family and it isn’t Islam that has brought this about – it is because we love each other and want to see through this mutual investment we made together i.e. our marriage.

    Gandalf


    I'm so glad it worked out. Mostly because it will teach others not to assume that Muslims are irrational and that if a person comes out as an apostate the relationship will be doomed. You've shown that is not the case.

    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #15 - July 23, 2014, 03:32 PM

    Believe me you have no idea how happy this makes me Gandalf because this is exactly why we started this forum. I remember feeling so alone and when I came across berberella - another ex Muslim it made so much difference and we started this forum precisely to provide a place for exmuslims to know they are not alone x
    hugs



    Wow that is amazing, I have made so many good friends on this forum, who have been such a BIG support to me, esp when I feel down and suicidal or helpless. I can say it is all thanks to you guys for starting such an amazing and needed support group  far away hug

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #16 - July 23, 2014, 03:34 PM



    You wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would!) the difficulty I had in trying to find anyone to talk to rationally about this and of course non-Muslims just didn’t get it. So it was quite by accident that I Googled-across the CEMB site and forum and can quite honestly say it changed my life.

    I should quantify that by adding that the forum didn’t really do anything. It didn’t really give me any profound answers. It didn’t wave a magic wand and make everything better.


    Gandalf


    I know exactly what you mean, certain answers we need to discover for ourselves, it's why we are freethinkers, we don't need people to tell us how to think

    best of luck  far away hug


    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #17 - July 23, 2014, 03:37 PM

    Thank YOU Gandalf, for sharing such an inspiring story with all of us. For many of those struggling with the doubts and depression that apostasy often brings, its wonderful to know that there can be and often is a light at the end of the tunnel.  far away hug

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #18 - July 23, 2014, 04:04 PM

    Congratulations Gandalf, to you and your wife for making it work. Spending your whole life with just one person can be hard enough even before you throw the complications of religion into the mix. You two must love each other very much ... I'm so jealous...only kidding Cheesy Have fun and thanks for sharing your wonderful story far away hug

    Oh and I totally get what you said about non-Muslims not understanding. My family and friends are all non-Muslims, except my husband, so they're all hopeless to talk to.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #19 - July 23, 2014, 05:25 PM

    Wow that is amazing, I have made so many good friends on this forum, who have been such a BIG support to me, esp when I feel down and suicidal or helpless. I can say it is all thanks to you guys for starting such an amazing and needed support group  far away hug


     hugs
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #20 - July 23, 2014, 05:42 PM

    This gives me hope. Thank you.  far away hug

    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #21 - July 24, 2014, 12:17 AM

    That is some wonderful news,  I am so happy for you. This forum has helped me immeasurably, too. Thank you so much for sharing your update here, how hopeful!

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #22 - July 24, 2014, 05:31 AM

    I’ve been away from this forum for quite some time, but I thought it important to just come back to post this.

    About 3 years ago I was at a very low point, the root cause being my disbelief and the contention this would cause my family in ‘coming out’. My all-consuming worry was that I would lose my wife and children just because I wanted to exercise my right to believe what I wish and not have to lie about it.

    You wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would!) the difficulty I had in trying to find anyone to talk to rationally about this and of course non-Muslims just didn’t get it. So it was quite by accident that I Googled-across the CEMB site and forum and can quite honestly say it changed my life.

    I should quantify that by adding that the forum didn’t really do anything. It didn’t really give me any profound answers. It didn’t wave a magic wand and make everything better.

    What it did do was just be there, with obvious support from apostates from around the world. By being there I knew I wasn’t alone – I’d suspected it, but now I knew! And the people on the boards did ‘get it’ and knew what I was talking about. They related to me and I to them and that felt good. It reinvigorated my confidence and gave me the strength to do what needed to be done.

    I came out about my apostacy around 6 months ago and as you can imagine my wife was distraught, especially when she understood that there was no way for me to be brought back ‘to the light’. There were threats of divorce but ultimately I gambled on her being the rational woman I married and was not disappointed. She sees we have a happy and successful family and it isn’t Islam that has brought this about – it is because we love each other and want to see through this mutual investment we made together i.e. our marriage.

    I have turned a corner I never would have taken before knowing I wasn’t alone and have come out smiling at the other end. Life is good just for the very fact that I can be honest with the people around me and admit to not going to jumma, taraweeh, not fasting and everything else and not worrying about my wife finding out. I am openly apostate to anyone who asks, but I’m not actively shouting it from the roof tops. It’s a personal choice and I understand better than anyone that it isn’t to be taken lightly.

    So thank you CEMB and its members. You were there (virtually) when I needed you and I hope that your presence continues to inspire more people to unburden themselves as I have done.

    Gandalf


    Great to hear you're doing well and that this forum has played a role in helping you get to a better place in your life. Thanks for sharing this. Smiley

    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #23 - July 24, 2014, 09:24 AM

    Thanks everyone for the kind messages. You're welcome.  far away hug

    Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
  • Heartfelt thanks to you all
     Reply #24 - July 24, 2014, 01:25 PM

    I remember you saying a while ago that if you ever came out you'd have to move from your home city. I hope it isn't as bad as that in reality?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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