The story of a hijabi non-muslim girl. Please I need some advice!

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The story of a hijabi non-muslim girl. Please I need some advice!
OP - July 22, 2014, 01:57 PM

Hello everybody.

I found this forum and I'm so happy to know there are a lot of people who thinks like me.
I read some of the topics and some of your stories and I can relate to them.
I wanted to tell you about my story and I didn't know where to post it, so I'm going to do it here.
I'm 20 and I live and I was born in Italy (so please forgive me if I make mistakes in english).
My parents are from an arabic country and they're into religion. Here, in my city there is a big community of muslims and I have some relatives that lives in here too.
I wasn't into religion since I was a child. But I prayed, I went to the mosque every Sunday to study the quran and to meet the young muslim community.
I have to say that my parents were very strict. I couldn't do anything: I went to 6 birthdays parties in my whole life, I couldn't go out with my friends, my curfew was at 6pm and I couldn't have male friends.
Once my father beated me because I was walking on the street with a non muslim guy. So you can understand my situation..
In the third and last year of Middle School I tried to rebel and I started to skip classes, to scream against my parents, to lie and go to my friend's home and things like these.
My mum understood the situation and she changed her behaviour.
I have to say that my middle school period was really awful. I started hating my parents, hating God, hating to pray and I even tried to kill myself because I was leaving in hell.
High School was better. I started over my life and I stopped thinking about religion. I kept faking my prayers and I dragged my sister into this too. At that time she was middle schooler.
I don't know what happened but during my fourth year of High School I started watching videos about people converting into Islam, I went back to the muslim community and tried to understand "my religion". My cousin became a salafi and my ex-arabic-muslim boyfriend send me a lot of videos about the Judgement Day.
I this period I met a muslim girl who tried to talk to me about Hijab.. So from my parents, my cousin, my friends I started to question myself and I said maybe Islam is right,
So after 6 months I wore the Hijab. Exactly on Febraury 2012. It was the wrongest decision I've ever made.
When I put it I felt happy but there was a part of me that felt unconfortable.
I was influenced by so many people, and I thought also about my future: "If I didn't wore Hijab my parents wouldn't send me to a college in another city".
That summer I spend it in my "arabic country" and I fasted and went everyday to the mosque.
But I didn't pray all the five prayers, I found it boring so I understood that i I was trying to be muslim but in reality I'm not.
Back to Italy I decided to talk to my friends (most of them are italian so non-muslim) they suggested me to talk to my parents. I talked to my mother on November and she told me to think about it and then to make a decision.
I talked again on March and she said that I can't take it off. So I stopped talking about this matter.
After my degree I was supposed to spend a month during Summer Vacation in England because I won a scholarship.
I decided that during that moth I will act as I want to and took off my hijab. I did it and it was the best month in my life. I went to club, I ate at KFC and silly stuff like these but I felt free.
I decided to talk again with my mother before leaving for university. In fact I already applied for a University in Venice which is far away from my hometow.
But my mother couldn't understand. She threatened me and she told if I take off my Hijab I won't go to University and I'll stay home. I tried to kill myself that day.
I went to university and I wore the Hijab even in Venice because I felt guilty. My friends are all italians and they know my situation but can't understand me.. I took it off again this last June for two weeks before going home.
And I decided to talk again with my parents because I couldn't go on like this. I had problem sleeping at night because everytimeI think about these stuff. I cry everyday. I'm fed up with this situation.
My mother can't understand me and she told me that Hijab protects me and if I wear it I remember that I'm muslim and it prevents me from doing sins.
I tried talking to her again but she threatened me.

What can I do? Actually I'm studying Japanese language and culture. I thought of trying to win a scholarship (of two years) in Japan and to go there to study after my degree in Italy. But I don't know if I'll be able to escape and forget about my family.
Even if they treated me bad I still care about my parents. I'm scared of leaving my sister alone with them if I escape..
I want to live my live as I want to. Be free. I can't believe in Islam. When they talk about God or Hell and Paradise I can take them seriously.
I have some time to think about it, but after my degree I have to choose. I leave for good without saying anything. Or stay with them and live forever as they want me to.

Please give me an opinion and if you want tell me what did you do when you left Islam.[/left][/left][/left]

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Reply #1 - July 22, 2014, 02:08 PM

Believe me you are amongst friends here who understand and share what you are experiencing.

I know it may seem difficult to bear, but perhaps just continue to wear the hijab around your mother, just to keep the peace. Eventually when you can move away and be independent you can live as you wish.
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Reply #2 - July 22, 2014, 02:13 PM

Welcome Ariel!

Won't give you any advice, will leave that to those with 1st hand experience as don't want to make any mistakes.

I don't know why but when I think of Italy in terms of religion I can never imagine there being a Muslim presence there. How do the Muslims and Catholics get along?
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Reply #3 - July 22, 2014, 02:17 PM

Welcome, ArielTi.

I think you already know what you want to do. You have some time before you have to make your final decision, so take your time to really think it through and try to calm down a bit.
Personally, I think it's a good thing your mother knows how you feel about the hijab but don't go around poking the bear. She has threatened you more than once, maybe some time she'll put her words to action.

There are more than the two options you've mentioned. For example: you can go to Japan for two years and try to go back to Italy for a while. Maybe they will appreciate you more after you've gone away for some time.

About the hijab: why do you feel guilty for taking it off in Venice? You can take it off in Venice and put it back on at home. There's no reason why you should feel guilty. As long as you're safe in doing so.

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Reply #4 - July 22, 2014, 02:23 PM

Welcome Ariel.

Incidentally you are not the only Arab girl who studies Japanese and longs to go to Japan. We have another user here called Yume who also shares that passion. Maybe if you too both get to go to Japan you might become friends.

Trustworthy and Abu Ali have both given you good advice on your problem. Try to keep your parents happy when you are around them until you are financially independent.
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Reply #5 - July 22, 2014, 02:34 PM

Quote from: Abu Ali on July 22, 2014, 02:08 PM
Believe me you are amongst friends here who understand and share what you are experiencing.

I know it may seem difficult to bear, but perhaps just continue to wear the hijab around your mother, just to keep the peace. Eventually when you can move away and be independent you can live as you wish.

Thank you Abu Ali. I'm really really happy to have found this forum^^
TThanks for the advice!!

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Reply #6 - July 22, 2014, 02:36 PM

Welcome home Ariel. This is where you belong and you can shout and scream as loud and for as long as you wish. We do not judge you. We only accept. Accept us in your heart and you shall feel true freedom.

Quote from: ArielTi on July 22, 2014, 01:57 PM
I had problem sleeping at night because everytimeI think about these stuff. I cry everyday. I'm fed up with this situation.

I tried talking to her again but she threatened me.

Those tears shall become a remnant of your past. Get that scholarship and cry tears in Japanese. Tell us how they sound. They shall taste of happiness. Send us pictures of your beautiful smile.

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No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

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Reply #7 - July 22, 2014, 02:45 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on July 22, 2014, 02:13 PM
Welcome Ariel!

Won't give you any advice, will leave that to those with 1st hand experience as don't want to make any mistakes.

I don't know why but when I think of Italy in terms of religion I can never imagine there being a Muslim presence there. How do the Muslims and Catholics get along?

You mean due to the state of Vaticano?
Here there a lot who hate Catholicism and hate the Church as an institution.
I have a lot of atheist italian friends but there are also some who just believe in God but not follow the Catholic's rules.
Most of Italian are just scared of Muslims, I think it's the same in France and Germany. Just immigration is a recent topic in Italy. So I think is for this reason.. But a lot of politician make "Anti Muslim" or "Anti-Mosque" their propaganda. This influence people mind. For exemple the mosque in my city is just a room rented by muslim people.
However I was never judged by italian people but they do look at me in a strange way when I walk with hijab. Especially the elder ones.
I hope I answered to your question Tonyt ^^

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Reply #8 - July 22, 2014, 02:48 PM

Quote from: ArielTi on July 22, 2014, 02:45 PM
You mean due to the state of Vaticano?
Here there a lot who hate Catholicism and hate the Church as an institution.
I have a lot of atheist italian friends but there are also some who just believe in God but not follow the Catholic's rules.
Most of Italian are just scared of Muslims, I think it's the same in France and Germany. Just immigration is a recent topic in Italy. So I think is for this reason.. But a lot of politician make "Anti Muslim" or "Anti-Mosque" their propaganda. This influence people mind. For exemple the mosque in my city is just a room rented by muslim people.
However I was never judged by italian people but they do look at me in a strange way when I walk with hijab. Especially the elder ones.
I hope I answered to your question Tonyt ^^

Hehe Lilyesque!

Interesting, I suspect the immigration issue is worse at the moment due to the hoardes of people fleeing north Africa by boat.

I didn't know that there was a large Atheist community in Italy, I suspect they go along with the church thing just cause its expected (?).

Anyways, nice to have you on board! A Ramadanian!
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Reply #9 - July 22, 2014, 02:52 PM

Quote from: Trustworthy on July 22, 2014, 02:17 PM
Welcome, ArielTi.

I think you already know what you want to do. You have some time before you have to make your final decision, so take your time to really think it through and try to calm down a bit.
Personally, I think it's a good thing your mother knows how you feel about the hijab but don't go around poking the bear. She has threatened you more than once, maybe some time she'll put her words to action.

There are more than the two options you've mentioned. For example: you can go to Japan for two years and try to go back to Italy for a while. Maybe they will appreciate you more after you've gone away for some time.

About the hijab: why do you feel guilty for taking it off in Venice? You can take it off in Venice and put it back on at home. There's no reason why you should feel guilty. As long as you're safe in doing so.

I would like to come out and tell them the truth before I disappear. I thought of leaving a letter, Yes, I thought about the option you told me. But if I go I have to leave something that make them understand that I left Islam. I don't want to go for two years and come back acting as a muslim.

First I didn't take it off because my mother scared me by saying: "We'll go to Venice sometimes without telling you to see if you removed your Hijab". So I didn't do it,
I feel guilty because also in Venice there are arabic people who study at my university. One of them wears abaya and tried to talk to me once. So I'm scared of being judged (how silly of me) but I'm scared of my parents. I don't like to do this thing behind their backs. But I'm thinking to take it off next semester. At least I'll try to do it.

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Reply #10 - July 22, 2014, 02:55 PM

Quote from: Tonyt on July 22, 2014, 02:23 PM
Welcome Ariel.

Incidentally you are not the only Arab girl who studies Japanese and longs to go to Japan. We have another user here called Yume who also shares that passion. Maybe if you too both get to go to Japan you might become friends.

Trustworthy and Abu Ali have both given you good advice on your problem. Try to keep your parents happy when you are around them until you are financially independent.

Oh really? I would like to know her! Here most Arabs don't like Japanese even my parents lol
Yes, I'll try doing like he said. Thanks!!

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Reply #11 - July 22, 2014, 02:58 PM

Quote from: Jedi on July 22, 2014, 02:36 PM
Welcome home Ariel. This is where you belong and you can shout and scream as loud and for as long as you wish. We do not judge you. We only accept. Accept us in your heart and you shall feel true freedom.

Those tears shall become a remnant of your past. Get that scholarship and cry tears in Japanese. Tell us how they sound. They shall taste of happiness. Send us pictures of your beautiful smile.

Come, ride the unicorn. No prior experience is required.

(Clicky for piccy!)

Oh thank you so much!! You're post made me really happy! I'm glad to have found you guys!
Yes, I'll do my best to get that scholarship to be free!!

Thank you Jedi ^^

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Reply #12 - July 22, 2014, 03:02 PM

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your rough life so far, but I believe as soon as you can you ought to go out and live your life, but try not to burn too many bridges when you go off to college if possible, as you may need financial support from your family later on.

It is tough when you add the element of abuse, so you must remember that your safety comes above all else, but if you can keep your head down and just go to the university and work on getting yourself set up, I think that would be your best bet. Worry about coming out to them when you (and perhaps even your sister?) are in a safer place if you still feel so inclined.

We actually have another member here who could tell you a lot about Japan, he might stop by. And my younger sister just completed her undergrad at Temple in Tokyo and she really loved the place, it was a great experience for her. And like everything she owns now is super cute and I'm jealous. Her phone is mint green and lights up all colors of the rainbow. In her bathroom, she had a robot toilet. Japan all the way!
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Reply #13 - July 22, 2014, 03:07 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on July 22, 2014, 02:48 PM
Hehe Lilyesque!

Interesting, I suspect the immigration issue is worse at the moment due to the hoardes of people fleeing north Africa by boat.

I didn't know that there was a large Atheist community in Italy, I suspect they go along with the church thing just cause its expected (?).

Anyways, nice to have you on board! A Ramadanian!

Oh sorry I got cunfused ><

Yes, immigration is a big problem. But I mean Italy is one of the European country that has the lesser number of immigrants. They blame the crisis on immigrants. So, African people black or arab it doesn't matter.
It's a really sensitive topic in Italy.

Yes, there are a lot. Most of Italian are not religious. There are a lot of atheist. Usually only the elderly people go to Church nobody else. But Catholicism is well-established in the South of Italy.

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Reply #14 - July 22, 2014, 03:10 PM

Welcome

I think the above advice is pretty solid, the best thing to do is wait until you're in a better position before you act on anything. It'll be tough, but, you'll find a lot of people on this forum who are in a similar situation so hopefully that'll lessen the burden.

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Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
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Reply #15 - July 22, 2014, 03:10 PM

Ahh this is why part of my view is so different to how the situation is on the ground. My brothers girlfriend's family is from near Naples (she is an Italian Brit) and boy do they 'go to church'. When my bro said he was Atheist in front of a bunch of her family (when they asked the question) they had a mahoosive intake of breath in disbelief.
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Reply #16 - July 22, 2014, 03:15 PM

Quote from: lua on July 22, 2014, 03:02 PM
Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your rough life so far, but I believe as soon as you can you ought to go out and live your life, but try not to burn too many bridges when you go off to college if possible, as you may need financial support from your family later on.

It is tough when you add the element of abuse, so you must remember that your safety comes above all else, but if you can keep your head down and just go to the university and work on getting yourself set up, I think that would be your best bet. Worry about coming out to them when you (and perhaps even your sister?) are in a safer place if you still feel so inclined.

We actually have another member here who could tell you a lot about Japan, he might stop by. And my younger sister just completed her undergrad at Temple in Tokyo and she really loved the place, it was a great experience for her. And like everything she owns now is super cute and I'm jealous. Her phone is mint green and lights up all colors of the rainbow. In her bathroom, she had a robot toilet. Japan all the way!

Thank you so much lua. I'll follow your advice as I intended to do like you said.

Oh really? She's so lucky. I'm in love with Asian culture. I chose Japan because I think it's the most mysterious and beautiful one (in my opinion).
I hope I'll have you're sister experience and thank you for your replay ^^

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Reply #17 - July 22, 2014, 03:19 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on July 22, 2014, 03:10 PM
Ahh this is why part of my view is so different to how the situation is on the ground. My brothers girlfriend's family is from near Naples (she is an Italian Brit) and boy do they 'go to church'. When my bro said he was Atheist in front of a bunch of her family (when they asked the question) they had a mahoosive intake of breath in disbelief.

I can understand it. She's from Naples which is South Italy.
Also a friend of mine had some problems with her family. She's agnostic and stopped going to church and her parents asked her why. She told them the truth and they accepted her but her grandmother calls her "sinner" everytime.
So I think id depends on the family but it's not as difficult as muslims. Usually Christian parents accept their child.

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Reply #18 - July 22, 2014, 03:25 PM

I think that the difference between Muslims and Christians is that Christians are always taught to 'love the sinner and hate the sin' so they don't shun so much just try and teach.
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Reply #19 - July 22, 2014, 03:36 PM

Quote from: ArielTi on July 22, 2014, 03:15 PM
Thank you so much lua. I'll follow your advice as I intended to do like you said.

Oh really? She's so lucky. I'm in love with Asian culture. I chose Japan because I think it's the most mysterious and beautiful one (in my opinion).
I hope I'll have you're sister experience and thank you for your replay ^^

Best of luck!
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Reply #20 - July 22, 2014, 03:47 PM

Buon giorno ArielTi, welcome to the forum

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Reply #21 - July 22, 2014, 03:58 PM

Quote from: ArielTi on July 22, 2014, 02:52 PM
I would like to come out and tell them the truth before I disappear. I thought of leaving a letter, Yes, I thought about the option you told me. But if I go I have to leave something that make them understand that I left Islam. I don't want to go for two years and come back acting as a muslim.

First I didn't take it off because my mother scared me by saying: "We'll go to Venice sometimes without telling you to see if you removed your Hijab". So I didn't do it,
I feel guilty because also in Venice there are arabic people who study at my university. One of them wears abaya and tried to talk to me once. So I'm scared of being judged (how silly of me) but I'm scared of my parents. I don't like to do this thing behind their backs. But I'm thinking to take it off next semester. At least I'll try to do it.

I understand, I didn't mean for you to leave as a Muslim. The two years away might give them some time to accept you not being a Muslim anymore. Then again, you should start accepting the idea that that might never happen. I don't say this to be mean, just that bracing yourself for the worst that can happen might help in dealing with it.

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Reply #22 - July 22, 2014, 04:08 PM

Quote from: ArielTi on July 22, 2014, 01:57 PM

What can I do? Actually I'm studying Japanese language and culture. I thought of trying to win a scholarship (of two years) in Japan and to go there to study after my degree in Italy. But I don't know if I'll be able to escape and forget about my family.
Even if they treated me bad I still care about my parents. I'm scared of leaving my sister alone with them if I escape..
I want to live my live as I want to. Be free. I can't believe in Islam. When they talk about God or Hell and Paradise I can take them seriously.
I have some time to think about it, but after my degree I have to choose. I leave for good without saying anything. Or stay with them and live forever as they want me to.

Please give me an opinion and if you want tell me what did you do when you left Islam.[/left][/left][/left]

Have you thought of doing a TEFL course and applying to teach English in Japan? Its actually a really good way to get away. It helps if you ave a degree and teaching experience, but that isn't absolutely necessary

here's a helpful link: http://www.onlinetefl.com/

Welcome and good luck

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Reply #23 - July 22, 2014, 04:09 PM

Quote from: lua on July 22, 2014, 03:02 PM
robot toilet. Japan all the way!

Lol for real? What does it do

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Reply #24 - July 22, 2014, 04:12 PM

A question to answer quicker is what doesn't it do.
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Reply #25 - July 22, 2014, 04:33 PM

Welcome to the forum, ArielTi

I agree with everyone else here that you should try not to go too far with your parents until you're financially independent.
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Reply #26 - July 22, 2014, 04:43 PM

Welcome to the forum ArielTi, have a rabbit!

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you've had in your life so far. I think you need to think about your future and the kind of life you want to live, and my own advice would be to leave from your parents once you've completed your studies, and are ready and financially independent. I know its a difficult thing for people whom family has been such a central part of life, but sometimes such bold decisions are necessary. Best of luck with everything, and I hope you enjoy it here.

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Reply #27 - July 22, 2014, 05:46 PM

Welcome!

Another new introductory thread makes a comment about pseudoscience amongst Muslims, and googling I came across a wikiIslam site discussing "death anxiety"

Looking at wiki islam generally I felt it to be very uneven, one article for example pointing out logical fallacies, another saying something couldn't be correct because Allah said! blah blah!

It sounds like you are highly intelligent and educated but possibly this is making your parents very insecure.

It feels as if Islam has very strong traditions of being fearful and stoping thinking that individuals are meeting here because parents, relatives, acquaintances continually reinforce the status quo.

No answers here, but maybe thinking about what is happening may lead to insights.

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

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Reply #28 - July 22, 2014, 10:19 PM

Finalmente trovo un'altra ragazza italiana su questo forum. Mi dispiace per la tua situazione, ma ti assicuro che presto potraì riconquistare la tua libertà .
Anch'io più o meno sono nella tua (e di molti altri) situazione.
Quando ero in Italia (ora vivo a Londra sempre con i miei) ne ho dovuto passarne delle belle. Quando iniziai ad andare alla scuola media, i miei mi constrinsero a mettermi il velo e di non avere amici maschi.
Ogni volto che uscivo con i miei, avevo sempre paura che se qualche mio compagno di classe (maschio) mi salutasse, sarai finita nella merda.
Purtroppo i miei mi tolsero ogni libertà alla sola età di 9 anni...
Non ho avuto un'adolescenza normale. E la cosa che mi irrita di piu' e' che mio fratello poteva e può fare tutto ciò che vuole.
Ora che ci siamo trasferiti a Londra, ho due possibilità:
-O continuo a vivere così ( seguendo le loro stupide regole)
-O mi riconquisto la mia libertà, a costo di non rivedere più i miei famigliari per il resto della mia vita.
Io non so se tu hai una relazione buona con i tuoi, però in casi delicati come questi, è meglio pensare alla propria sicurezza prima di tutto.
Scusa se non capisci ciò che voglio dire esattamente (mi ci vorebbero pagine lol), però ti auguro buona fortuna.
E benvenuta tra noi!! Di sicuro gli altri potranno darti un consiglio migliore.
- Descent
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
The story of a hijabi non-muslim girl. Please I need some advice!
Reply #29 - July 22, 2014, 10:49 PM

^Italian is a nice language.

Welcome ArielTi!
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