Left Islam today and feeling afraid, need support...
OP - July 20, 2014, 07:08 PM
Hello all. I have left Islam today, I stopped wearing jilbaab and went out without jilbaab for the first time in my life and it was incredibly liberating. I am a strong Physics person, and I always understood that there is a great dissonance between science and Islam. The final endpoint was when I started going deeper and deeper into science and started exploring Dawkins' "The God Delusion", and so on and so forth. Having left the salaah, and everything, I truly feel the fear of "hellfire" even though I understand that it is completely ridiculous. One of the rationalizations I use is that a supposed supernatural entity, which is not empirical, can not produce empirical effects, such as the chemical reactions in the brain for speech to occur in order to pass down the "revelation". Combining the undeniable truth that our whole universe as a whole can be explained mathematically, and that in the grand sense we are completely chaotic, albeit you could say that on a small scale, an isolated physical system can be described as organized chaos to simplify computations. The whole mankind is an expansive pool of genetic variety, with different probabilities both in the genotype and phenotype; likewise the electrons in an atom have wavelength functions, a pool of probabilities for their supposed states. I find it fascinating, and I also find it in complete dissonance with Islam, likewise Shariah does not work to improve the society, rather it causes psychological damage to both women and men. Gender segregation, especially for a scientist, is determinential. I have been never able to make science YouTube videos, although I always wanted to, because I am a woman and my voice is an awrah. I haven't been able to swim, go running outside, go travelling, and much more. Where is the gender equality`?? On top of that, I was constantly told and bombarded that I should not pursue a scientific career.
And at one point, I got sick of it. I started researching more and more, and understood that something doesn't add up. And so - now I am an apostate - and it doesn't feel that nice at all, knowing all what I know from the Quran on apostates and the "disbelievers". All of the muslims around me do not know that I apostated, though. And yesterday I received the news that I got accepted to a college in Ireland.... well, I am leaving my muslim "friends" and starting to do what I want to do the most. However, I feel scared, it all feels very new to me, and I feel like I committed a major crime, as if I killed hundreds of people.
I am happy that I found this forum... Thanks everyone, and I am very sorry for the incredibly lengthy post. I am quite stressed at the moment and can not express my feelings properly, so it was very messy. I hope I could make new friends, and it would be wonderful if there's anyone in Dublin as well... Cheers.
Topic: Left Islam today and feeling afraid, need support...