I have loved and lost, my friend, both as a believer and as an atheist. While the former experience left many unanswered questions, anxiety about punishments in the hereafter, and plenty of room to question God's sense of mercy, the latter only made me happier an Abrahamic god does not exist.
I'm being honest with you right now; this is not merely for the sake of debate.
Death has always played prominently in my life. I've lost best friends, brother in laws, nieces, aunts and uncles, grand parents, and my own dad. I would never wish a god like Allah on any of them.
My most heartfelt condolences for the loss of your loved ones. It's something terrible that nobody should ever have to go through. But we all will. Such is the cruelty of life.
I too have lost loved ones. One in particular stands out and is the reason for my earlier claim, that most humans, atheist or not, will turn to God in moments of great fear, especially as it relates to a loved whom you are helpless to save.
She was on the verge of death. There was a small glimmer of hope, that she just might make it. I seized on that hope and ran with it. What did I do? Almost unconsciously, I went to a secluded room, got onto my knees and literally started bargaining with God, begging God: "Please take me instead. If you have to take someone, take me. In anyway you see fit. Let her live. Please. Please. I'm begging you."
Keep in mind that at the time, I was even further from God than I am now(if thats even possible). I wasn't an atheist, but nor was I a practicing Muslim. Didn't pray. or Fast. Or have any reason to remember or think of God. Was leading quite the hedonistic lifestyle. But at the moment, with that minuscule glimmer of hope, I got on my knees, instinctively, in a form of utmost helplessness and humility, and started bargaining and begging with God, the God of Abraham. Yahweh. The Great Spirit in the Sky. He goes by varying names and different descriptions, but there is a single unifying definition that transcends culture, religion,:
-He who you pray to when you're scared shitless and are at your weakest.
-He who you pray to when you're caught at sea in a storm and gigantic waves . (an example that is mentioned repeatedly in the quran for a good reason: it's an experience, and an absolute truth, that transcends cultures and religions.)
-He who you pray to, even if you are a proud disbeliever, when your 8 month infant catches a high fever and doctors tell you there is nothing further they can do, and you have to sit there listening to his agonizing yelps of pain.
That is God. That is the instinctive hunger for an All-Powerful Deity that almost every human acknowledges, even the most hardcore deniers when that moment of truth comes knocking on their door. Yes, maybe you'll deny it, deny Him now in the comfort of your current existence , but bro, I pray to Allah that you do not ever have face a situation where you are reduced to helplessness and you have nothing to offer but tears and snot dribbling down your face.......because that day will be the day that you raise your eyes to to the sky and start begging and bargaining.
In my case, it didn't work. My prayers, my bargaining, my begging didn't work. But the process of prayer certainly helped. And not because of that stereotypical "I'll get to see her again in the hereafter", but the actual prayer to God, the actual begging, the acknowledging of how helpless and weak I am and the instinctive hungering for my Creator in this moment where no else could help.
Can you honestly watch this clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sS-JmL40QQ ...............
......... and reach the conclusion that a hunger for God and begging God is not a universal constant throughout different time-eras, religions, and cultures? That somehow athiests and freethinkers, and "rational people" are immune to the "silly"(as Ishina put it) notion of a God?
For more exposition, the father in that clip is a super-prideful atheist who not only doesn't believe in God but has spent much of his life hunting and torturing the faithful believers as an SAVAK-office in the Shah-era Iran. Then he joins the Iranian secular exodus post-'79. Nothing changes. He's still a hardass. still atheist. still a prideful "intellectual". Until that day when bitter fate catches up to him and he realizes he isn't as secular and as rational as he thought he was. He gets on his knees, makes sujood, starts begging with unrestrained grief.
I respect your beliefs as an atheist; but please, do not claim that even in a situation like that your "godlessness" will still hold strong, because fate might just decide to test you as it tested Colonel Massoud Amir Behrani.........and brought him to his knees.
Topic: Hi, I'm new and I'm lost.