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Theme Changer

 Topic: The Wahhy Project

 (Read 48644 times)
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  • The Wahhy Project
     OP - January 31, 2013, 09:15 PM
    So I was talking to my home boy Jibreel earlier today, and he was saying that the big SWT wants us to start compiling all the revelations we receive on this forum. As it turns out, he’s really sorry about all that mean stuff he said in his last “revelation,” ya know, all that stuff about slavery, and beating wives, and daughters not being as good as sons, and eternal torture being ok, etc, etc. Yeah, he’s over all that crazy nonsense and instead wants to focus his attention on reaching out to the irreligious with light hearted, quazi-rhyming verses about anything that happens to be on their minds. If you get such a revelation (you’ll know it because it will be in really poor Old English) please post it here. I’ll start with the ones JB gave me recently. By the way, he did warn me that these revelations will still be as random and jumbled as his old “revelations” were. Let's see how many of these we can get! Go Wahhy!

    Suratul-Parrot:

    1.The Parrot
    2. What Parrot?
    3. And what shall make ye know what constitutes a parrot?
    4. Surely, thy lord hath blessed it and filled it with merit
    5. And hath made it taste like chicken when cooked, thus do we compare it.
    6. And the rabbit he hath blessed, and made it love the carrot.
    7. So when thou seeth a furry rabbit, try not to scare it
    8. And when new members join the forum, offer them rabbit and parrot
    9. Dancing side by side together, thus shall ye share it
    10. Surely, those who deny parrots and rabbits, we have prepared for them a dunce cap and we shall force them to wear it
    11. For only a few minutes, and just for laughs really, thus does your lord declare it

    Suratul Donut

    1.XYZ
    2.   LMNOP
    3.   Krispy Kreme are the donuts, without doubt, that are good for you and me
    4.   Verily those who deny krispy crème glazed donuts are blind so they can not see
    5.   And they say “We enjoy cinnamon donuts, and donuts filled with jam”
    6.   Thus do we lead their taste buds astray, and we don’t even give a damn
    7.   So leave them to eat their gooey monstrosities, for they shall not harm you in the least
    8.   But when thou seeth Krispy Kreme glazed, wet thy lips with thy tongue, and prepare for an awesome feast.

    Surat An-Najm (Remix)

    1. By the star as it riseth
    2. The genius of CEMB members doth surpizeth
    3. For they speak not of superstitions unfounded
    4. Tis only logic and reason well-grounded
    5. By the threads and the shout outs quite numerous
    6. Indeed, some of that shit is quite humorous
    7. Have ye considered Allat and her post
    8. Her 10,000th hath touched us the most
    9. And thy lord doth show recognition
    10. And hath lifted his booze prohibition
    11. To Allat, we raise glasses in toast
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #1 - January 31, 2013, 09:39 PM


    Suratul-Bacon:

    1. The Bacon

    2. My word has been mistaken

    3. And by what deviant path was my word wrongly spread?

    4. Verily, thy lord hath commanded to eat Bacon between two pieces of bread

    5. And He did not disallow His slaves the bounty of this meat

    6. Beware those infidels who teach I forbade it, these devils of deceit!

    7. This Fitna of my teaching has caused my slaves much woe

    8. To be forbidden from eating Pork Sausages, Salami and Chorizo

    9. Hath not your Lord made the pig blessed like all other beasts?

    10. And just like beef and chicken it is delicious for your feasts!

    11. Thou deviants and damnable who twisted my laws be forsaken

    12. I reveal my hundredth name to you - and it is 'The Lord of Bacon!'

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #2 - January 31, 2013, 10:14 PM
     Cheesy lol fantastic, brilliant!
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #3 - January 31, 2013, 10:32 PM
    LMAO!  Suratul-"XYZ"?  OMGoddess.....I am dying over here!!!!!!!!!!!  More More More!  We gotta keep this thread going!
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #4 - January 31, 2013, 10:38 PM
    This thread reminds me of this brilliant piece of work. The Faa Qaaf bit gets me every time  Cheesy :

    Quote from: Hassan on October 04, 2011, 04:21 PM


    ❀❀❀❀ ِسُورَةُ الدَّجَاج ❀❀❀❀

    بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ


    فقۤ {١} إنَّا خَلَقْنَا الدَّجَاجَ خَلْقًا {٢} وَسَلَقْنَا الْبَيْضَ سَلْقًا {٣} وَأَطْلَقْنَا مَعَ الرَّعْدِ بَرْقًا {٤} وَجَعَلْنَا الجَوَّ طَلْقًا {٥} فَمَنْ يَكْفُرْ بِآياتِنَا شَنَقْنَاهُ شَنْقًا {٦} ثُمَّ خَنَقْنَاهُ خَنْقًا {٧} وَمَنْ يَطْرُقْ بَابَ فَاسِقَةٍ طَرْقًا {٨} وَيَفْعَلْ فِي بَيْتِهَا فِسْقًا {٩} حَرَقْنَاهُ فِي النَّارِ حَرْقًا {١٠} إنَّ عَذَابَنَا هُوَ الْأَبْقَى {١١} وَإنَّ عَدُوَّنَا هُوَالْأَشْقَى {١٢} فَلَا أُقْسِمُ بِبَرِيقِ الدِّينَارِ {١٣} وَلَا أُقْسِمُ بِنَهِيقِ الْحِمَارِ {١٤} إنَّي أنَا اللهُ الخَالِقُ الْقَهَّارُ {١٥} فَأَطِيعُونِي وَلَا تَكُونُوا مِنَ الْكُفَّارِ {١٦} وَاتَّقُوا يَوْمًا لَا يَنْفَعُ فِيهِ دِرْهَمٌ وَلَا دُولَارٌ {١٧} يَوْمَ يُقْذَفُ بِالْكُفِّارِ فِي النَّارِ {١٨} فَلَا يَسْتَطِيعُونَ صَبْرًا وَمَا لَهُمْ مِنْ فِرارٍ {١٩} أَمَّا الَذِينَ اتَّقَوْا رَبَّهُمْ فَإنهم هُمُ الأَخْيَارُ {٢٠} لَهُمْ جَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِنْ تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ {٢٢} وَصَنَادِيقُ وِيسْكِي وَرَاقِصَاتٌ بِلَا خِمَارَ{٢٣}



    ❀❀❀❀ Surat of the Chicken ❀❀❀❀


    In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent the Merciful,

    1. Faa' Qaaf
    2. Verily, We created the chicken a (wonderful) creation,
    3. And We boiled the eggs, a boiling,
    4. And We sent with thunder, lightening
    5. And We made the air fresh
    6. As for he who denies our signs, We shall hang him a hanging,
    7. And choke him, a choking
    8. 
As for he who knocks on the door of a slut, a knocking
    9. Then commits in her house, a screwing
    10. We shall burn him in the fire, a burning
    11. Indeed our punishment it is the abiding
    12. Indeed our enemy he is the most wretched.
    13. For I swear by the glitter of the Dinar
    14. And I swear by the braying of the Ass
    15. Indeed I am Allah the Creator, the Conqueror
    16. So obey me and do not be of the unbelievers
    17. And fear a day when no Dirham will benefit nor will a Dollar
    18. The day the unbelievers will be cast into the fire
    19. And they shall not be able to bear it nor escape
    20. As for those who feared their lord, they are the best
    21. They shall have gardens under which run rivers
    22. And crates of whiskey and dancing girls with no veil

    Started from the bottom, now I'm here
    Started from the bottom, now my whole extended family's here

    JOIN THE CHAT
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #5 - January 31, 2013, 11:36 PM
    Jibreel says y'all are gonna like this one!  dance

    1.   SX
    2.   By the laxatives which easeth constipation
    3.   And the Vaseline which aideth masturbation
    4.    Thus does thy lord care about his servant’s relaxation
    5.   So fear ye not the strokes that giveth good sensation
    6.   Nor the pleasure ye deriveth from the virbrator’s vibration
    7.   For surely, tis a natural part of thy lord’s wise creation
    8.   And if thy findeth for thy self a partner of age, consenting
    9.   Fear not sex, both soft and slow, or hard and unrelenting
    10.   By the orgasms which shaketh chandeliers
    11.   And the parteners who spanketh on the rears
    12.   There is no harm in getting thy freak on, even after a few beers
    13.   And verily, those who are content with being on their own
    14.   (Should feel)  free to close their eyes and please their selves alone

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #6 - February 01, 2013, 12:01 AM
     Grin
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #7 - February 01, 2013, 12:05 AM
    I wonder how far we can get with this after 23 years!
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #8 - February 01, 2013, 12:10 AM

    We have to live in a cave first though!
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #9 - February 01, 2013, 12:14 AM
     Cheesy
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #10 - February 01, 2013, 12:28 AM
    Cheesy You guys are hilarious Cheesy
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #11 - February 01, 2013, 12:34 AM
    Inn huwa illa wahhyun yuhaa. Afro
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #12 - February 01, 2013, 02:01 AM
    Lol fuckers I just spat my tea out all over the table! This is awesome!
    -------------------
    Believe in yourself
    -------------------
    Strike me down and I'll just become another nail in your coffin
    -------------------
    There's such a thing as sheep in wolfs clothing... religious fanatics
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #13 - February 01, 2013, 02:12 AM
    Imagine a website appearing online suddenly with a whole book of this dance
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #14 - February 01, 2013, 04:23 AM
    WOW  Cheesy Cheesy

     Happy murtard you are one of a kind !!
    Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #15 - February 01, 2013, 04:58 AM
    Quote
    Imagine a website appearing online suddenly with a whole book of this


    DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT  Cheesy

    ROFLMFAO @ this thread

    I reserve the surah about lipgloss XD
    Quote from: ZooBear 

    • Surah Al-Fil: In an epic game of Angry Birds, Allah uses birds (that drop pebbles) to destroy an army riding elephants whose intentions were to destroy the Kaaba. No one has beaten the high score.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #16 - February 01, 2013, 07:25 AM
    The Satanic Parrot Verses< and the FSM?
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #17 - February 01, 2013, 12:22 PM
    Ah yes, please HappyMurtad, petition Jibreel for some verses about the "three exhalted parrots, whose intercession we seek"  ( parrot Al-Lat  parrot Uzzah and  parrot Manat )

    we will all be waiting with bated breath  Wink
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #18 - February 01, 2013, 02:32 PM
    Suratul Pirate

    1.   Oh ye Murtad who is happy
    2.   Arise, quick and snappy!
    3.   Tis Me, The SWT, your lord and favorite chappie
    4.   Thus do we reveal to thee verses in Old English, poor and crappy
    5.   Relate unto them the story of our servant Captain Hook
    6.   When thy lord did calleth him, and giveth him the book
    7.    Saying “Take ye to the seas” so to the seas he took
    8.   And thy lord did try him by removing from him his hand
    9.   And we caused to go against him the evil Peter Pan
    10.   Thus did they skirmish in never never land
    11.   And Hook said “Foolish Peter, thou can not always be a kid”
    12.   Thus did thy lord watch them as they did the things they did
    13.   And Blackbeard, and Captain Morgan, and other pirates of the sea
    14.   They were not violent men, we only sent them peacefully
    15.   We gave them mighty ships and merry parrots to repeat
    16.   And we inspired them to wear eye patches and say “Yarrr” when they did meet.
    17.   Have thee considered the parrots, first, second, and third?
    18.   Indeed, Allat, Al- Uzza , and Manat were very sacred birds
    19.   They were parrots! And they shitted holy turds
    20.   Thus did we command them to repeat the pirates’ words
    21.   Oh ye who believe, enjoy life and follow not the ways of those who call pirates evil
    22.   Thus do they go astray with a devilish upheaval 
    23.   And  the unbelievers say “Pirates were men ruthless”
    24.   Thus do they blaspheme! We shall smite their teeth and leave them toothless!
    25.   Save those who brush their teeth and floss with floss and keep them clean
    26.   For thy lord doth have a thing for good oral hygiene
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #19 - February 01, 2013, 03:58 PM

    Hilarious  Grin

    We just need to get these translated into Arabic and recited  too
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #20 - February 01, 2013, 04:08 PM
    No. If Muhammad got to write his poems in his language, we get to write ours in our language. This whole “it has to be in 7th century Arabic because that was such a better language” thing is BS. English has the most words of any language and is spoken on every continent. That's why Jibreel uses English when he comes to me.  ;)If Muhammad was able to spit verses in a FOREIGN language, I might be more inclined to believe him. But he used his own, and so will I. 
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #21 - February 01, 2013, 04:33 PM
    I like your logic  grin12
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #22 - February 01, 2013, 04:50 PM
     Cheesy
    awesome thread.
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #23 - February 01, 2013, 05:08 PM
    All revelations are welcome. Afro
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #24 - February 01, 2013, 05:34 PM
    Can't find the bit where Michael, Gabriel and Satan are discussing the creation of the universe, but the following needs to be in Quran II

    Quote
    TUESDAY.--She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad because the snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest.

    FRIDAY.--She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of the tree, and says the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce death into the world. That was a mistake--it had been better to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.

    WEDNESDAY.--I have had a variegated time. I escaped last night, and rode a horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear of the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after sun-up, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain was a frantic commotion and every beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant-- Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world.... The tigers ate my house, paying no attention when I ordered them to desist, and they would have eaten me if I had stayed-- which I didn't, but went away in much haste.... I found this place, outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda-- says it LOOKS like that. In fact I was not sorry she came, for there are but meager pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry.


    http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/mtwain/bl-mtwain-exadam-1.htm
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #25 - February 01, 2013, 06:55 PM
    Brilliant post guys, absolute gem.

    Happymurtad I tip my hat to you sir.
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #26 - February 01, 2013, 08:00 PM
    Wow, my very own, custom ordered, Exalted Parrots Surah!  I feel so special!  Thanks Jibreel (via HappyMurtad). 

    LOL

    Beyond awesome.
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #27 - February 01, 2013, 10:24 PM
    ..
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #28 - February 01, 2013, 10:25 PM
    Quote from: tabularasa on February 01, 2013, 08:00 PM
    Wow, my very own, custom ordered, Exalted Parrots Surah!  I feel so special!  Thanks Jibreel (via HappyMurtad). 

    LOL

    Beyond awesome.


     far away hug


    Maybe this is what Gabriel was trying to tell us - self publish holy books!  Allahzon!
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • The Wahhy Project
     Reply #29 - February 02, 2013, 12:06 AM
    Suratul Jibreel

    1.   JB

    2.   Fear not righteous murtads if ye experience a tough ordeal 

    3.   For we reveal glad tidings through thy masterful servant Jibreel

    4.   Enlightened catalysts of happymurtad and billy doth we present

    5.   Verily words of such messengers create a most powerful scent!

    6.   Jibreel and thy messengers doth have a good friendship

    7.   But of course, as neither accept superstitious bullshit

    8.   So be not of those believers who turn their backs in arrogance

    9.   While they go on their merry day observing ritual with no evidence

    10.   Such unfounded beliefs are indeed a great evil!

    11.   For this reason doth we present to the masses our masterful servant Jibreel!
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