Is Islam out of your system
Reply #29 - February 08, 2013, 09:01 AM
Initially, when I left Islam, It felt eerie, yet liberating. Because I lived in an irreligious household, no one taught me about Islam extensively. I had to learn it all on my own. When I was 16, I psychologically trained myself to learn the Quran, pray 5 times a day, go to the masjid/Imam bargah, etc. So as a result, I still catch myself saying Inshallah when talking to my parents, or Bismillah, when I even catch myself eating pork or drinking scotch. Noha's still sound nice to me, even though I disagree with the significance of the Battle of Karbala. My father doesn't really buy into the theology of Shia Islam too much, but he still gives charity to the people who write Noha's. He mostly cares about Shia Islam, because he is Sayyid, which I find hard to believe.
Thankfully, when I was in elementary school I ate my first corndog. Hotdogs soon followed, and pork was delicious. I never thought to myself that I was doing anything wrong. I didn't believe in an interventionalist god who would strike me down with lightning if I did something wrong. I believed in a god who was kind of like "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski. Someone who was laid back and not insecure about his "flock" doing something he disliked. It was only when I was 12 when someone told me that Islam believed in heaven and hell, judgement and punishment. That's when I changed my god from a loving, laid-back kind of being, to an insecure four year old who hated when you didn't say his name every chance you got.
When I was in Karachi, I faced immense bigotry from my friends, once they realized I was Shia and Sayyid. Some told me I wan an Iranian spy, a jew, a murtad. Some even gloated when my Hazara friend died in a bomb-blast because they thought he was going to hell. Even though I left Shia Islam, I still feel that same prejudice when I go to Karachi every once in a while. Even in affluent circles, people see your name, and immediately recognize you as being Shia and Sayyid. It becomes a kind of bulls-eye target for the Taliban if you live in Karachi. So Islam, in that respect, isn't out of my system.
Islam, unlike many other religions, permeates your life. The way you conduct yourself in matters of behavior, business transactions, treatment of irrational adults, etc. Coupled with the dogma, you have a religion then that instill fears on you if you don't do the right ritual or the correct Sunnah. So when one leaves the religion, the belief dies, but the other aspects still linger on. That little voice inside that tells you "You're sinning. Stop doing that or God will get angry." won't go away so easily. Meeting like-minded people like yourselves have definitely made that little voice head back into tortoise shell and never come out.
I still catch myself trying to eat with the right hand instead of the left, when ordering my sourdough bacon sandwich.
In the 10 or so months since I left Islam, I grown to realize that this religion deserves to be ridiculed. Seeing the lovely people who work hard to run this site and make funny satirical jabs at Islam, makes me hopeful that I can remove any subconscious longings to go back. Instead, I can use those energies to write about Islam from a more critical perspective. An anti-religious perspective, if you will. Leaving Islam has given me the greatest gift of all. It's allowed me to think for myself and not be solipsistic. Nothing was sacred and there were no taboos. And for that, I can never dream of turning back to the religion.
My dream is to go with my family to Lyon, France and enjoy the finest wine, pork and cheese there with them, without feeling guilty. I want them to know that by leaving Islam, one shouldn't feel frightened about the non-existence of God, but should feel uplifted at the prospects of living one's life according to one's wishes. Maybe my constant questioning of religion to my mother's Sunni family will impact someone and they will leave. I will have to try right now to convince the rational ones from both of my families to leave Islam and maybe, just maybe, this dream can come true.
Tell the bird of superstitions not to speak
The string of reasons will tie its beak
Even if faith comes with water of the seven seas
It'll evaporate on the griddle of wisdom with a shriek.
- Josh Malihabadi
Topic: Is Islam out of your system