I don't have a job. Hopefully I'll be able to find one within the two months. I do have a couple of grand stashed away to go backpacking in Europe, that will at least alleviate some difficulty as I start my independent life. I'm a little scared, but also very eager and excited. It looks like it may be a new chapter in my life.
You've been through a hell of a lot and I admire your strength in dealing with what your family and your ex have thrown at you. It is crazy what Islam can drive people to do.
I live in [removed], hehe. Your ex sounds like a psychopath, I would be hesitant to give out my details too.
It is very difficult, but they aren't aware of my apostasy yet. I harbour dreams of leading a double life where I live independently as an atheist, but still have close ties with my family where they consider me still a muslim. (albeit a non practicing one) Other times I just think fuck it, you can't pretend forever, holdy your tongue as they spew out bigoted, irrational nonsense.
I know how sickeningly righteous this is gonna come across, but the biggest fear in tellling them would be what it would do to their lives. I think I could live my life estranged from my family, I really could. I don't know if I could live with the fact that they would have a hole in their hurts that I caused. Particularly my mother. It would be like literally losing her little boy.
It's good you have some money set aside to help you get through, that should help you put some money down for a bond and the initial rent, you could always live in a shared-house situation. I hope you find a job soon. Are you studying at the moment?
Sorry for some reason I thought you were in ____ lol.
I thought I'd read that lol, but my brain is moosh at the moment from these new anti-depressants I'm on lol.
It is exciting, you have your whole life ahead of you! So much potential and you get to write your life.
I used to habour those dreams too, that of living a double life, but living a lie is really hard and it's inevitable that the true you will come out in bits and pieces anyway. It's so hard holding your tongue regarding stuff they spew out, I know 'cause it used to drive me nuts. Sometimes I have wondered if they really had wanted to know the truth or if they would've preferred the fake me, the pretend me who said what they wanted to hear, who lived how they wanted me to live.
I know how sickeningly righteous this is gonna come across, but the biggest fear in tellling them would be what it would do to their lives. I think I could live my life estranged from my family, I really could. I don't know if I could live with the fact that they would have a hole in their hurts that I caused. Particularly my mother. It would be like literally losing her little boy.
I don't think it's sickeningly righteous at all, it's normal to have those fears, you love them, you care for them, and it hurts to think that one's disbelief will create such pain.
At the end of the day, it's your parent's decision how they will take it, you aren't in control of their reaction to it. I know it's hard to view it that way but they do have the choice whether they will accept you or not regardless of your religious views.
My brother and I were talking about this very same thing awhile back (my brother is a borderline atheist), and he was saying to me that it's so hard for my parents to accept my atheism because they've invested their whole life into religion, they have invested their whole life into making sure us kids would be good enough to get into heaven and their whole value system revolves around honour and reputation. So by rejecting their values and religion in effect they take it as a rejection of them or as a personal attack, their egos are linked to religion and reputation and a warped sense of family honour.
It's such a pity it works that way but unfortunate for some of us it does, you never know though, your parents might over time come to terms with it.
It's so suffocating keeping it a secret though, it must be really hard for you at the moment.
Topic: Great community fellas