Ive been stalking this forum for a few weeks now!
I wasn’t SUPPOSE to make an account till exams were over but just couldn’t resist!
So my story
Background: a religious practising family, i have always gone to Islamic events and camps/ designed head ware/ have begun writing for a muslim magazine (lmao) and am a spiritual singer/ dhol player.
(Im from the UK. have a pakistani background, 19 and begin uni in September! Finally!) oh im female
But about a year ago, i read a book about achieving success, and providing motivation to succeed. There was one section about thinking about your funeral, and your achievements.
None of mine contained religious elements whatsoever, so i began thinking what the hell am i doing with islam.
I came to the following conclusion
The only reason i practice is because of my family and the way i have been brought up, NOT because i genuinely believe. And the more i looked into religion the more i distanced myself from it. I was a muslim hypocrite. i realised in terms of islam- i have always been isolated- I dont fit the criteria of a muslim, on many parts free will/ the notion of God/ the purpose of lif in general are just at polar extremes! i think im too much of a hippie
the only reason i fitted in because i thought it was the "right thing to do",something i was expected to do, but thinking and knowing from your heart whats best for you are 2 different things.
now im old enough, i have an independent mind and want to lead my life my way! no religeon whatsoever!
So over the last 8 months i argued with myself, a period of anger and isolation and decided that i am an ex-muslim. WOAH. a term which i never even knew existed.
It was weird but i amgradually accepting me
BUT now id like to come out, living in the closests tough! how the hell am i going to survive ramadhan
i wear the hijab- and last week i decided to gradually warm my parents to my identity id stop wearing it... i told them this, and got lectured and shouted at big time- the first time ive ever been in trouble! i thought this was my choice? hmm..
so i still look muslim... ironic eh?
my parents now think im possessed by jinn/ exam stress! ok if i am possessed- will it be ok that the force possessing me is an ex-muslim!! LMAO they cannot accept i am not religeous, therefore come up with the most irratiional cause physically possible.
but i know deep down, comming out will mean i will lose my family. but i hate lying!
P.S how do stop this website comming up in internet history?