What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #30 - May 13, 2012, 09:20 AM

Quote from: Abood on May 13, 2012, 08:57 AM
I find it incredibly hard to not care. Sometimes I wish I had less compassion.

I wouldnt really wish for that based on my experience though i can be selective on who to care and who not to care depending on how genuine that person is.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #31 - May 13, 2012, 09:21 AM

Quote from: Abood on May 13, 2012, 09:13 AM

Thanks for the lesson in sociopathy.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #32 - May 13, 2012, 09:23 AM

Anyway, the fact that one may have the ability to not give a shit about even angelic people does not necessarily mean that one must invariably exercise that option. You are jumping to conclusions that are unwarranted.

It simply means that you have the freedom to choose, which is what you apparently seek, yes?

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #33 - May 13, 2012, 09:31 AM

I choose to not seek to be able to seek to choose.
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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #34 - May 13, 2012, 09:32 AM

K. Then stop fucking complaining about being a softie.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #35 - May 13, 2012, 09:37 AM

Of course, you do realise that here you are choosing the less moral option. After all, if you are compelled to feel compassion in all cases and have no control over this, then effectively you are an automaton in this respect, and an automaton is incapable of truly ethical choices since it can only follow its programming.

To be truly ethical, one would have to have the ability to not give a rat's arse before making any decisions. If you choose to not seek this ability, you are choosing to avoid the possibility of becoming a truly ethical being.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #36 - May 13, 2012, 09:38 AM

But only practicality matters, right?!
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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #37 - May 13, 2012, 09:41 AM

Not to you, baby.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #38 - May 13, 2012, 09:59 AM

I think you misunderstood what I said. I can and do avoid assholes, and sometimes confront them if necessary. But sometimes I think I make myself more emotionally available than I should to certain people. Sometimes I wish I could say "I understand you have a problem, but sorry, I can't help you."
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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #39 - May 13, 2012, 10:05 AM

No, I get that. I understood that from the start.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #40 - May 13, 2012, 11:04 PM

I think I've read everyones posts. Was trying to following.conversations. Anyhow there are a lot of good points.

Yes the thing is if you happen to be the kind of person that is attentive to others it it often difficult to be around attention seekers because you can overwhelm yourself. So you have to know your own limits and how to make referrals.

Attention seekers shouldn't be casually brushed off. Sometimes it only takes a moment. At the prison when I know one of the men is very depressed or just going through a hard time as I pass by his cell I'll just for a monument place my open hand on the window of his cell door. Not much but he knows I thought of him as I walked by. Intimate contact in a prison. LOL as intimate as it gets. For friends I if that I see I'm always handing little notes. I love photography and am testing pictures with little notes all the time. These are things I can do easily that I know people have enjoyed and it helps me sometimes by not letting me turn in and think about my own problems.

I am also a care taker by nature besides being a nurse. So it is easier for me to see people.

Sometimes I don't want to see some people and then I don't. That is not wrong on my unless I am willfully neglecting something that I know. But if I just don't know because it would be overwhelming to trying to know everything then that is just the way it is.

Sometimes I kick myself for that attitude. Just a couple weeks ago a police in my town shot and killed himself. I know him or really refused to know him better. He worked my accident. I was angry at him for that because he was a horrible first responder. I watched him loose his professional composure as he walked up to me laying on the road and say "Oh my god.". Then turn and walk off. I've always wanted to slug him in the mouth for that. Even though I know he was afraid. He later told my nephew he was afraid of hurting me. I let my angry rule because at that moment on the road I needed someone to reassure me I was going to me okay. Even if it was false hope. But anyhow nurse who work in prisons get training in identifying suicide clues. Maybe I could have made a difference. After he was dead I found out he was fourth cousin by marriage to my son in law. No told me because they thought it would be to hard on me because of the angry thing and the accident. What the hell. It wasn't his fault. The accident was the storms fault and the anger was my fault. They broke my family rule. All the stupid little things that effect a life or a death.

Most of people see others through their own experience. Really how else could it be. So if someone has never felt so overwhelmed that death was the only way out or so alone that they feel like a throw away to feel empathy they have to be able to image from their own experience. So yes they'll relate some of there own stuff in hope that those ideas might relate to the person they're trying to help. Sometimes helpful. Sometimes just listening or giving the hug or being there is helpful. In an actual suicidal case professional evaluation and plan is important.

I do not think that attention seekers actively are thinking about making this part of their personal identity. With my level of training I would believe either they are unaware of how much they do it or somewhat ashamed that they feel like they need so much help at a given time. Most people desire a level of independent function and realyl want that. The normal desire is to attain that independent function and not to continue needing assistance. Some people due to life experience don't understand what that independent function is these people are generally referred to as institutionalized but that is different than normal attention seeking.

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Re: What is so inherently bad about attention seeking?
Reply #41 - May 13, 2012, 11:56 PM

Quote from: osmanthus on May 13, 2012, 09:37 AM
Of course, you do realise that here you are choosing the less moral option. After all, if you are compelled to feel compassion in all cases and have no control over this, then effectively you are an automaton in this respect, and an automaton is incapable of truly ethical choices since it can only follow its programming.

To be truly ethical, one would have to have the ability to not give a rat's arse before making any decisions. If you choose to not seek this ability, you are choosing to avoid the possibility of becoming a truly ethical being.

Oooh, I see what you did there. Very clever. There's no rep feature here, so I'll spread some VD to you instead.

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