So, I thought it was about time that I wrote a bio
If there are any grammatic errors, ignore them cuz im sure gonna have alot.
And some info has been changed for privacy reasons of course.
THE BEGINNING:I was born in Yemen and came to America at a very young age. I don't remember a lot about Yemen, so unfortunatly I can't really give you any memories.
Anyway, I came to America and I remember thinking that it was just this huuuuggeee building that everyone lived in (yes, silly child thinking).
But I came and ii went to a school that was 100% arabic, with everyone being arabic.
I remember when I was about in 2nd grade, I said bye to a boy in my class and my sister told my parents (I dont blame her, she thought what she was going was right, she was just a year older, so she was still a kid). I got yelled at and giving a lecture about how I shouldnt talk to boys and that its haram and blah blah blah.
I remember when I was 8, I took my friends bike to give it a try and me and her rode bikes all day together. When I got home and my mom asked what I was doing and I told her I was riding a bike, she of course yelled at me and told me to never ride a bike again, and I never did (until 2 summers ago when I rode it for the first time after such a long time... a 17 year old girl attempting to ride a bike lol)
I also remember in 5th grade, I would play kids football with the boys. The girls wouldn't play because they said it was haram playing with boys (yes, this is 10 year old girls). But I played anyway. I was always a tomboy so I did many things that arabic girls wouldn't normally do.
It was little moments like that that made me think about why girls couldn't do this and that.
I also always saw the unfair treatment of girls as a little kid.
I hated doing things that ii was forced to do, like wear dresses (I never liked them and I still dont unless for special occasions).
I was forced to wear an abaya when I was 11 years old, and wore it until last year when I finally got the nerve to stop wearing one.
THE SLOW CHANGES BEGIN:In 8th grade I began, the whole "teen phase".
I hated everything about the world. I hated how I was always told to behave because I was a girl.
How I was never allowed to do anything because I was a girl.
I remember the first time I started cutting.
I wanted to go to the mall with my friend, but my dad did not let me.
I argued and we got into a fight.
I went down to the basement and locked the door.
I was crying helplessly, and at the same time I started cutting my wrist with a knife.
I finally stopped cutting 1 1/2 years ago.
At the end of my 8th grade year, I began to be very "dark".
I was getting into metal and became goth.
I also started checking out witch craft and attempting spells and stuff.
For a few months, I didnt call myself Muslim, but didnt really think about the consequences.
I was never really into my religion anyway, It was just something that I had to do, kinda like breathing.
In 9th grade, I got my first boyfriend.
He was not the best boyfriend, and we didnt last long.
He was Muslim and always told me that he was a Muslim and he would go to heaven because he believed.
So, after I went out with him I found out that I was being used as a rebound.
We went out again and he started wanting to get into sexual things (being a Muslim, I knew it was wrong, but pressure allowed him to touch my boobs lol). Thats the farthest it went.
After that (after constantly saying no to other stuff) he stopped talking to me and I have never talked to him since (however, I did see him in college a few times, sucker now ii look hotter than ii did before
)
That made me think....
He's Muslim, and he's doing all this crap and he still goes to heaven???
That really wasn't fair! But again, it was a passing moment.
WHEN LIFE REALLY TAKES A TURN:In 10th grade, I got really close to one of my friends, Violet*, and we began talking about a lot of things.
I learned that she was an athiest and her family was Muslim.
They had no problems with it.
This girl was like a saint! She was such a good friend and a great person.
She had a wonderful heart and just was a great person!!!
(I still talk to her now and we are still awesome friends!!
)
This made me compare her to my ex. Who will go to heaven?
I knew according to Islam it was my ex, and it was something that always bothered me, but like everyone, I pushed it aside).
In the middle of 10th grade, I met my most recent ex boyfriend, Matt*.
I met him online and we talked and months later fell in love.
We both knew that we couldnt be with each other, and after months of trouble between us, he finally broke up with me.
I was, of course, devastated. He was my first love, and to those who have had a first love and had to let go know how hard it is.
(he will be coming again, so he's not fully gone.)
After the break up, I met another girl who used to smoke cigs and weed.
I never really knew what weed was until then, and I never considered smoking cigs.
But I eventually started hanging out with her more often.
She convinced me to try smoking cigs, and we did.
We smoked in the girls locker room, and....
you guessed it. We got caught.
Ironically by my health teacher lol
I was kicked out of school and was told to just come back one day to take my finals (since it was 1 month before school ends).
But anyway, I was kicked out and was not able to say goodbye to anyone, not even my closest friends esp Violet.
The summer started horrible for me, until my dad put me in quran school and it seemed to be better.
When another school year started, I signed up to another school (this one being 99% Yemenii, yikes!)
Since Yemenies have a tendency to call any girl who spoke her mind a slut, I was always known as a slut.
I was never afraid to talk to guys or to speak back to them.
So through that whole year, I was known as a slut lol.
I do also remember, when I was I won a competition and had to go to the state finals.
For that i had to go to a city 3 hours away.
My parents said no and that I wasnt able to go, but being me, I managed to go.
I won the state finals, and I was a finalist in the national finals.
For that I had to go to Washington DC.
This was fully paid for by my school (hotel, ride, etc).
And guess what...? Dad said no I cant go.
Even when the school offered to pay for him, he still said no.
Of course I was depressed and I missed out on such a great opportunity :(
Oh well, memories...
ANYWAYY!!!
I finally go out of that school and the next school year was another thing.
WHEN I FINALLY CHOSE TO LEAVE ISLAMSo the next year was my senior year.
Me and Matt decided to get back together, and it was really nice having him with me.
We had our problems, and we really had our problems.
He was emotionally and verbally abusive, but I never let it bother me, I just thought it was something he would change.
And he also seemed pretty bipolar but said he was never diagnosed.
When I got back with him I learned that he started smoking both weed and cigs.
He was on anti depressants, and was massively racist.
But anyway, On October 31, 2009, my parents found out about him (my brother told, pos)
So I was told to stop talking to him, but being me, I never did lol.
We kept it in secret.
And after that the problems with me and Matt got worse, while the problems with my parents got worse as well.
In December 2009, I listened to a song by Carrie Underwood called "Jesus take the wheel".
Ironically this is the song that made me think about leaving Islam.
I didnt think about going into christianity, but it made me really question religion and learn about other religions.
I started learning about the baha'i religion and I was really interested.
After arguements with my parents, I stopped learning about it, and started acting Muslim again.
I couldnt handle it so I started my reading again and then due to critical research by my sister, I stopped learning about it. (she'd be critical with the baha'i faith but not Islam lol).
I denounced being a Muslim on June 27, 2010 (...I think. On this forum).
While having major issues with my parents, Matt also gave me major issues.
He started calling me harsh names, cussing out my family, and being the worst you can to your girlfriend.
I broke up with him, a few months later.
My family then decides they want to go to Yemen for the summer...
Recent Year &&
MY FIRST SUMMER OF FREEDOM:While my parents were thinking about how they're time was going to be in Yemen, I was thinking about a way to get out.
Fears of being in Yemen, reliving a nightmare (will not mention), and fearing the risk of getting married, got to me.
Everything that went on could be read in previous posts on the advice section, but I will just summarize.
I ran away from home the night before they were supposed to leave.
They ended up leaving.
3 days after being away from home, due to pressure I went back home to live with my cousin.
However, this wasn't all bad. She has no say over me lol
During my time in the summer, I went out without hijab or abaya.
During the summer, me and Matt decided to go back out.
I had the chance, so I went to visit him (did I forget to mention that he lived lik 4 states away? Oh I did, oops).
Anyway, I went to visit him and I stayed with him and his family for about 2 weeks.
These were the best 2 weeks of my life. I finally had a guy with me who I did evertyhing with.
We were super happy, until (and this was totally expected), we started to have problems.
His jealous issues and paranoia began to show (hypocritical considering he has cheated on me twice before).
Anyone would have expect that I would lose my virginity since I lived and slept next to him for 2 weeks...
but deep inside my head I knew that it wouldnt last with him, so I chose not to.
When I came back home, everything seemed to be a haze with him.
A Few weeks later, I broke up with him (and
until now he is asking for forgiveness and saying he misses me and shit).
When my family came back from Yemen, I was finally able to tell them about my apostasy.
It wasn't easy and they are still convinced that I will go back, although I have shown them several times that its not happening.
They think im the devil sometimes, and Ive been cursed several times by my parents.
Every horrible thing you can think about, I have been told to me by my parents.
Every blow hurt, however, I have become immune to that sort of hurt (not fully tho).
CURRENTLY:But through all of that I have broken through some tough barriers.
I am the first girl in the history of my family (lol) to get a job, buy my own car, etc.
Currently, I am still struggling with my parents.
But now im looking to go to another college farther away from where I live since I still have to pretend im Muslim to the outside world.
I can't express myself as much as I'd like, and from all the above, you kno how I express myself.
I am working hard trying to save up money so that I dont have to take loans for school.
I am looking to get a second job, and buy another car (the first one sadly didnt last very long).
I wish one day my parents can accept my decision and make things easier on me.
I was always different, the black sheep of the family, but you kno, thats not a bad thing.
I was the only one to think for myself, break barriers, and make my own path.
I'll still continues going through more problems, but I'll take them as they come.
Yup! Thats basically it!
Let me know if I'm missing anything, or if you wanna know anything.
Other than that, I hope you enjoyed
Topic: Sooo, this is Hananii's bio (Enjoy.)